I’ve recently been struggling with something in my life and it’s been hard. Really hard. I would prefer not to go into detail on my blog because this is supposed to be a positive space for my thoughts but maybe I will cover it in the future. Who knows?
Anyway, this “predicament” has made me feel rather worthless. It has triggered my anxiety and panic attacks again for a good couple of weeks and I’ve been left feeling like I’m not good enough for anyone or anything.
I upset someone in a situation that got out of hand and I suppose it’s led to bad consequences. If anyone wants to speak to me about this, please feel free to message me on Twitter because I’ve sought a lot of advice and guidance from friends, family, colleagues and even a life coach but sometimes it really does help to hear opinions from people who I don’t actually know well! Things have been said that I can’t forget about and because of my anxiety, they are now things that I think about every single day and I constantly ask myself: Am I good enough? Does everyone think this about me? Am I a nasty person?
And I’ve realised something…
I am good enough. I’m 22 years old and I’ve achieved so much and I’ve made many happy memories. I’ve made a lot of mistakes too, but hasn’t every 20-something-year-old? Yes. We ALL make mistakes and it’s normal, it doesn’t mean that we’re not good enough or that we don’t deserve the things that make us happy. It makes us human. I should be allowed to make stupid mistakes without feeling worthless afterwards. I should be allowed to make my own decisions and stick to what I believe in without feeling like everyone is out to get me. I have learnt from everything that’s happened in my life and at the end of the day, I’m still growing up.
Do you know what I’ve also learnt? If someone doesn’t love or appreciate me for who I am or even accept me as I am, then I need to get over it. I need to stop dwelling on it and letting it affect me mentally because when I start overthinking about what other people think about me and the hurtful words that have been said about me, that’s when I’m tossing and turning at night, that’s when I’m waking myself up by having a panic attack and that’s when I’m feeling so low about myself that I feel like I don’t deserve anyone.
But actually, I do deserve the people I have in my life, I deserve to be loved, I deserve to have my friends and I deserve to be happy. I’ve dealt with a lot recently and I’ve gone through a lot in general over the past few years but I’ve never felt as low as I have over the past couple of weeks. My emotions have been so ridiculously up and down, making my head so muddled, no wonder my anxiety has blown up!
I doubt anyone will gain anything from this post but I do want everyone who’s reading this to know the following things:
- Don’t change for anyone.
- Stay true to yourself.
- You ARE good enough.
I am telling myself these three things over and over again and it’s helping. I will come out on top. I briefly covered not feeling good enough in my being the chubby friend post but I don’t want negativity to run my life anymore so it’s time to change. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!
Everything happens for a reason.
Until next time,