Feeling stronger than ever

This week marks ONE WHOLE YEAR since my ex brutally dumped me by text. I remember sitting in my room and writing a blog post about all the things I’d learnt in my first month of being single and it feels like yesterday but nope, it’s been 365 days. People have asked me how I remember the date and for me, it’s hard to forget. It was such a significant date for me. Not to mention all the quotes about heartbreak that are appearing on my social media memories. *Eye roll.*

I’m a different person* to who I was this time last year. 2018 Amy was crying her eyes out in her car to Taylor Swift, resulting in itchy rashes all over her face. 2019 Amy is laughing every day and doing things she wouldn’t even have considered doing last year.

I am so proud of myself.

*Actually, I’m not different. I’m the person I was before I found myself in a toxic relationship. Before that relationship and the things I went through during it, I was a happy and bubbly person. I had plans all the time and would always be up for a laugh. Towards the end of the relationship, when things were really bad… I was a version of myself that I’d never seen before and quite frankly, I never want to see her again. That boy did some unforgivable things to me but I was so blinded by his love that I DID forgive him. Over and over again. I would not recommend this. It turned me into a negative person and a person my ex will always see me as.

But one year later, I’ve decided I don’t give a single fuck what he thinks of me because actually, I’m happy. Of course I still think about the relationship and compare my life to how it was “this time last year” but this time last year… I was no longer with him! And to me, this feels like an absolute milestone because now when I reminisce about 2018, he isn’t in any of those memories. It feels like a fresh start.

Over the past year, I’ve had so many people messaging me asking me for tips on how to move on and how to “get over” their break up. I did a good job of making my relationship look perfect on social media but it was so very far from that, I can’t even put it into words. Granted, I was truly in love with that boy and I’ll never erase the memories but one year ago, he broke my heart and the moment I realised I’d moved on was truly euphoric and now I want to help anyone else who is going through a break up and feels like it’s never going to get better because trust me, it IS.

If you’re looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering why you’ve changed so much and asking yourself where the sparkle in your eye has gone and why you can’t see the dimples from your smile – you’re letting go of your happiness and you need to grab it back before it really slips away. My ex did me a favour leaving me because I never would have done it. He let me go and I’m glad because I never realised how much I relied on him. But you don’t NEED someone to define your happiness. It’s scary being alone. It is. But what’s scarier is losing yourself while you’re lost in love with the wrong person.

The things I’ve achieved over the past year inspire me to keep going and keep getting stronger. I’ve been in therapy and come out on top, I work full-time and part-time and also have a volunteer role for an amazing organisation. I’ve made so many incredible memories with my friends, been to so many gigs, caught up with countless old friends. My confidence is sky high recently and that’s only going to get better.

My colleague Liz said to me the other day: “You look great! You can really tell you’re happy.” And I thought to myself… “I am happy. Finally.” There’s been countless times in the past year where I’ve felt content and there’s been more times where I’ve felt sad and alone but realising that I’ve been single for a whole year and I’ve actually come out on top rather than sink into a well of depression and anxiety like I always thought I would if he left me … THAT is the most fantastic feeling in the world. I’m finally learning how to love the skin I’m in, I have so much fun every day and I know for a fact the next person I end up with, I will have SO much love for them and I’ll use all the lessons I’ve learnt in the past year to ensure that I do everything to make them happy.

WE ALL DESERVE HAPPINESS! It’s better to be happy alone than to be sad in a relationship. Sometimes it actually feels MORE lonely when you’re with the wrong person and let’s be honest, absolutely nothing beats the feeling when you meet someone new and you simply click. Whether you’ve been single for one year or ten years, there is someone else out there for you and you will be happy again. I can’t believe how much I’ve changed in a year and life is only going to get better from here!

Until next time,

Amz x

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