Romance is dead

Oh hey! It’s been a while… Two months, to be exact. I’ve been bumping into people around the village who have been asking why I haven’t updated my blog in a while and to be brutally honest, I haven’t even thought about it. Other bloggers would go crazy if they hadn’t published anything for this long and I used to be like that. However, on reflection, when I was updating my blog twice a week – I was fed up and genuinely had nothing better to do. I was struggling to think of fresh ideas and I didn’t even feel inspired to write – it was more of a chore.

Recently, I’ve been a busy bee. A happy, busy bee. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my incredible friends and doing a lot of fun stuff! My blog has naturally taken a back seat but over the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed and it’s ignited something in me to write this post.

It’s coming up to a year since I’ve been single and honestly, I’m fucking smashing it. When I was with my ex, I always thought the worst thing that could ever happen to me was if we broke up. I couldn’t imagine being without him, I couldn’t picture my weekends alone and when it eventually did come to an end, I was terrified. But one year later and I’m happy as I could possibly be.

I fall for people quickly. I’m sensitive and over-emotional and I get attached in a heartbeat and quite frankly, I’ve been struggling with certain feelings lately. I have a lot of emotions to address, to myself and to other ‘people’. But hey ho, those feelings are for another blog post down the line, I suppose I have a lot to talk about. Cryptic… I know.

HOWEVER… Today, I want to write about romance in the 21st century. Well, more about how I’m starting to believe it doesn’t even exist. Since I was a teenager, I’ve been an avid rom-com fan. I still remember the first time I watched The Notebook and I longed for a love like Allie & Noah. In fact, my first names for a baby boy and a baby girl are from my two favourite romance films. I know, I can literally hear you reading this and telling me to get a life but I don’t care. I’m a “thorough-bred hopeless romantic.” I always listen to the lyrics of every song and more often than not, a song about love will pull at my heart-strings and make me cry. I’ve just been catching up with my friend at the pub. She’s a little bit older than me and is currently going through a divorce. She downloaded Tinder and met a guy on there and fell head over heels for him! It’s a whirlwind romance and it’s beautiful. Seeing someone physically glow when they’re in love is simply one of the most wonderful things in the world. I’ve been there and I miss it. My friend said to me: “I feel sorry for you. It’s easier to meet people at my age because men know what they want.” And I couldn’t agree more! The various boys I’ve chatted to since I’ve been single have all been so different. Some have wanted ‘just a bit of fun’ and others have wanted to settle down!

I’m only 23 years old but I feel like I’ve had my fair share of relationships to know that I’m happier when I have someone to love. I dislike being single. I don’t hate it because I’ve made some amazing memories with my friends and family and I’ve been forced to step out of my comfort zone and go dating but I don’t for a second enjoy it. Personally, I don’t believe there is any feeling better than when you meet someone and you just instantly click with them. You know exactly where you stand and you know what you want from them. I’ve had this feeling before and I know that’s what I’m looking for. I know when I talk to boys that I’m not just looking for sex but I’m also not looking to jump into a relationship with someone straight away. I’m simply searching for a person who I feel myself with, who can make me laugh hysterically on the first date, who I can picture having lazy Sunday afternoons on the sofa with, entertaining each other. I’ve started to feel like there is way too much pressure to know exactly what you want from a relationship in your 20’s and I’m sick of it.

But what I’m most tired of is aimlessly swiping through dating apps, looking at one photo of a boy and thinking ‘nah’. Because he isn’t what I’m looking for. But how on EARTH do I know that?! He might not be the most handsome boy on the planet but he might be the one who makes me laugh hysterically on the first date and HE might be the one I can sit on the sofa with and laugh until we cry. Dating apps are a load of shite, to put it bluntly. And whenever someone asks me why I don’t want to meet someone off Tinder or Hinge, I tell them straight. I believe in true love. I believe that you can meet someone on a night out, at a gig, at work or through a friend and that’s how I want to meet someone. I want to feel that instant connection, like they do in the films, books and music videos. I don’t want to swipe on a dating app and think “Yeah, he’ll do” and for that to be the story of how we met. I’m done with it. Below are a few of the opening messages I’ve received off boys over the past year…

“Can I eat your ass?”

“Want your bum.”

“I’d tag team you with my Dad.”

“I’m only here for your tits.”

“You got Snapchat hun?”

“I can suck my own dick.”

I also got told I had the personality of a cereal box because I told a boy I didn’t want to sleep with him. I could probably write an entire blog post about the messages I’ve been sent since I went “back on the market.” And one day, I probably will. Because it’s looking like I’ll be single for a while if these are the only messages I’m receiving. I’m not writing this because I want flowers sent to my office or because I want poetry written for me sprayed with aftershave to finish. I’m writing this because I don’t understand when it got so difficult for a boy to come up to a girl while she’s out and start a nice conversation instead of greeting her with “nice tits.” Or various other crude chat-up lines. I understand it’s nerve-wracking to talk to people when you’re out, I will only do it if I’m incredibly intrigued by someone but I think if I carry on swiping through hundreds of blokes on an app every day – I will lose all sense of romance.

I love being romantic. I love being sentimental. But I’m starting to think that there aren’t any boys out there who appreciate that and I’m definitely starting to believe that old-fashioned romance has gone completely out of the window! I just hope one day, someone will prove me wrong. But until then, single life can keep throwing challenges at me and I’ll keep getting stronger.

Until next time,

Amz x

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