Recently, one of my best friends discovered her ex boyfriend who she truly adored, was seeing someone new. My heart simply sank for her. Getting over a break up is difficult enough without the added pain of knowing the person you loved is making memories with someone new.
Now, we’ve all been there. A relationship comes to an end and sometimes your natural reaction is to download every single dating app and go out every weekend in a hurried search of someone new. You always want to be the first to move on to avoid the “stab-in-the-heart-feeling” you get when you find out you’ve been “replaced.” It’s completely normal to feel upset and please don’t feel like you can’t have a weep about it. When I’ve previously seen my ex’s move onto someone new, I’ve always felt like it brings back memories of when you first got together which are usually the happiest months of a relationship and it’s difficult to think about those times again when you’re still in the moving on phase.
I’m not writing this blog post to tell you that you don’t need to be upset and that you’re not allowed to cry, because you are. I’m writing this to help you realise that it’s not the end of the world, your relationship with this person ended for a reason and if you’re ready to move on, so are they. It isn’t a race between you both to find someone new and the last thing you want to do is rush into a relationship with someone when:
- You aren’t ready.
- They’re not the right person for you.
It’s so easy to get attached to the first person you get close to after a break up and assume that you want a relationship with them but that isn’t always the case. So here are a few things that can soothe the pain of finding out your ex has moved on…
Don’t stalk them on social media
Social media honestly is the devil when it comes to moving on after a relationship. You just can’t help yourself from checking their Instagram a few times a day to see how they’re doing and if they seem happier without you. But trust me, this is the absolute worst thing you can do. If you’re still looking at their social media, you’re obviously looking for something and that’s only going to upset you when you find that something!
Unfollow your ex or even block them if you think you’ll be too tempted to look. Sometimes it helps to unfollow their friends too, this might feel harsh at the time but realistically, you don’t want to see anything from them when you’re trying to move on. As soon as you find out they’re with someone new, you’ll become obsessed with checking their channels to see if they seem as happy as you did in your relationship but this is so unhealthy.
Your break up was not a competition
Just because your ex has moved on and you haven’t, doesn’t mean they have “won” the break up. How quickly you get into a new relationship after a break up, absolutely does not determine how desirable you are. I know it’s easy to read that and be like “hmm, true.” But, it IS true. Take my friend for instance, she is one of the most beautiful people I know inside and out. She has so much going for her and she worked so hard to make a relationship with this boy work but they weren’t right for each other. This was a hard pill for her to swallow because she completely adored this boy but my gosh, since they’ve broken up, she’s a completely new person! She has so much confidence, she is GLOWING and she is loving every moment of her life. So, who is the real winner here?
At the end of the day, if you’re in a good place mentally, that’s all that matters. If you feel good about yourself and you’re smiling and laughing every day, what makes you think you need a relationship to make that better? Someone will come along at the right time for you and just because this happened to your ex before you, does not mean they’re “better” than you or deserve a relationship more than you. Patience is a virtue.
Memories are forever
It’s easier said than done, but try not to feel angry. You obviously made amazing memories with this person and you will always have that. Just because they’re with someone new, doesn’t mean you have to feel bitter towards them. Be happy that they’ve found someone and look forward to the day that you find someone. Don’t disregard the memories you made with this person just because they’ll be making new memories.
They as a couple will never be able to recreate what you had. Every relationship is different and even if you see them go to your favourite restaurant together or they go for a day out somewhere you used to go together, just remember that it will never be the same and nothing can take away the times you shared together and some day soon, you’ll be doing the same with someone even better for you than your ex.
You are incredible just the way you are. Just because they’ve found someone sooner than you, doesn’t mean you need to change to try and impress people or attract different people. You are wonderful and people have fallen in love with you for being yourself. Acceptance is the most important thing in this situation, accept that your relationship wasn’t right, accept that they’ve found someone better for them and accept that eventually you will too and all of what you’re currently feeling will soon be a distant memory!
Good things come to those who wait
You are doing amazing and although finding this out might be a little knock-back for you, it doesn’t mean you aren’t happy. Spend time with friends, visit new places, see your family, learn something new – keep yourself distracted and I promise you, the pain will eventually go away and someone will appear in your life that makes all the pain disappear forever. Stay strong and make sure you’re surrounded by a good group of positive people and you will 100% come out on top.
All my love,