What to expect in your first month of being single

You may have noticed I’ve been a bit quiet on my blog over the past couple of weeks and there is a perfectly valid reason for that, I promise! Work has been very busy with us organising a press event, which went very well! But amidst this, my boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me. I already really struggle with break ups but this one ended by text in a horrible way and admittedly, it hit me hard.

It’s been around a month now and I’ll tell you what, I feel on top of the world. I haven’t had a panic attack in weeks, I’m laughing more and I’ve realised how truly incredible my friends are. The reasons he left me were fair enough but I’m a very firm believer in the saying “love conquers all.” I’ve witnessed couples go through terrible times and come out on top because their love was so strong but we couldn’t conquer the things life threw at us, and that’s when you realise that it isn’t for the best.

You all know that I use my blog as a platform for people to relate to and to help them realise that everyone goes through tough times. So naturally, I needed to write about this experience because it’s shaping me every single day.

I personally feel like there are certain stages you go through during a break up so I’ve decided to touch on the stages that I’ve personally experienced. Let me know in the comments if you can relate to any of these!

The shock

So to begin with, your heart almost stops and you find yourself staring into space and asking yourself “is that it?” “it’s over?” “for good?” and tears stream down your face uncontrollably and you don’t realise this until your t-shirt is wet through.

You ask yourself so many questions.

“I wonder if there’s someone else.”
“What could I have done better?”
“Will he ever come back?”

It doesn’t sink in straight away, the first day and a half feels ok. You wake up in the morning with no text from them telling you to have a good day and it’s shock. You go to work and you’re busy and distracted but the second you get in the car to drive home, you choke up and the tears don’t stop for a few hours. I think it takes until you stop speaking to your ex for the reality to sink in.

The tears

There has been a lot of crying on my part during this break up. One of the hardest things for me was going through my phone and deleting every single photo of us, even photos that reminded me of him. There was over 1000 and I cried the entire time. I just wanted to throw my phone against the wall.

I thought I’d removed everything but then I’d find other things like the photos all over my room, my laptop user photo and the photos that were saved in my Snapchat album. The more I had to delete, the more I cried. And the more I cried, the more I felt like I needed to talk to him.

If there is ONE piece of advice you take away from this post, it would be please don’t text your ex. It delayed my recovery time by 4 days because he gave me hope that he would come back. And when you realise you were being dragged along, it feels like you’ve been dumped all over again.

The most important thing I’ve learnt through this is that it’s ok to cry. If you let it all out in the beginning, you’ll feel better sooner. The moment I realised I was ok was when I stopped counting the days I had cried and realised “Oh! I haven’t cried for two weeks!”

The realisations

Oh my gosh, you realise SO much when you don’t have a boy on your mind at all times. Here are just a few of the things I’ve realised since being single:

  • My friends are absolute legends.
  • I have a wonderful job working with amazing people.
  • My family will always know what is best for me.
  • In the grand scheme of things, I’m so young.
  • Crying makes you feel better.
  • A boy who isn’t willing to see you as a priority in his life doesn’t love you or deserve you.
  • I should never settle for less than I deserve.

As well as the positive realisations, there are also some that I’ve struggled with but the way I have accepted the following is by telling myself I’m not alone and I won’t be alone forever even though it might seem that way now, I know eventually I’ll find someone who deserves all the love I have to give and accepts who I am and the things I stand for.

  • Who am I going to go on holiday with?
  • What am I going to do at weekends?
  • Who is going to text me and ask about my day?
  • Who is going to be there for me when I’m struggling?
  • Who am I going to tell exciting things to?
  • What if I want to do something spontaneous with someone?
  • He knows everything about me and now he’s just gone.

You’ll see things you don’t want to see like them liking photos of the person they told you not to worry about and they’ll say things that are hard for you to swallow and you just HAVE to keep telling yourself everything happens for a reason and it isn’t your place to get upset about things like that anymore.

The distractions

You find yourself constantly doing things to keep your mind busy. I feel incredibly lucky because my job has been the best possible distraction. My colleagues have been so kind and funny, making me laugh and honestly at work, I don’t ever think about him. The hardest part in the first couple of weeks is getting home from work and having that period of time where you usually would be speaking to them but the best thing to do is delve into a good book or TV show so you have something to focus on when you’re alone.

I also met up with friends, spent time with family and went away for a couple of weekends and went for long walks to think about everything in a different setting.

Throw yourself into something new! I started with a personal trainer, I’ve had 3 sessions and I already feel amazing. Not only is it good for your body and mind, it is the best distraction and you come out feeling on top of the world.

Another distraction has definitely been silly dating apps like Tinder or Bumble, it sounds cruel to call it a distraction when I actually have been chatting to some lovely people on there and you just never know what could happen. There are also some VERY strange people on there and I will definitely write a blog post about the things I’ve come across…

Also, if you are going to use dating apps to speak to people and take your mind off things, be prepared to find your ex because they’re probably doing the same and it will hurt when you find them on there.

Acceptance

The moment you accept that they’re gone and you no longer have that person to say good morning to or call after work – this is when you can start moving on. I think it actually took me about two weeks to fully accept that he had left me and it was over. I felt like I was patiently waiting for him to come back and tell me he still loves me but that’s the worst thing you can do!

Having a couple of days of crying and not eating much or eating too much is fine but after that, the best thing you can do is look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re on your own now but with extra support from friends, family and colleagues. You were perfectly happy before you had them in your life so you can be happy without them afterwards too!

Make a playlist and listen to it on repeat until you naturally feel like you can listen to your old music that you may have enjoyed with your partner. Music has helped me so much and if you want, you can listen to my playlist and see if it helps you. Plenty of Taylor Swift and Dua Lipa to get you through the hard times!

Get drunk, have fun, smile, laugh, work on yourself and I PROMISE you’ll come out the other side, no matter what stage of your break up you’re in.

 

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3 Comments

  1. May 20, 2018 / 9:57 PM

    Stopping talking to them is the best thing. It took 7 months for me to stop talking to my last ex and he kept me hanging on for all that time. The best thing he did for me was cutting contact and I had the most incredible time being single and eventually found a guy who was worthy. It’s so hard but it can also be so amazing, being single is great. Have fun girl, you’re amazing!

    Steph x
    http://www.wanderlustpulse.com

    • amylt
      Author
      May 21, 2018 / 10:16 AM

      Thanks so much lovely! That definitely gives me hope. It’s just hard when you think someone is the one and it turns out you were wrong all along. X x

  2. June 4, 2018 / 10:22 AM

    This is actually useful, thanks.

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