The ugly truth behind being cheated on

The terribly sad thing about me writing this post is just how many people will be sat there reading this and relating to it. Whether you’re a young female, a young male, a married woman or a married man – you’re likely to have come across infidelity in your adult life. Whether you’ve cheated, you’ve been cheated on or you know of a friend or family member who has experienced it. The sad reality is that infidelity is too common in the 21st century.

 “22% of men say that they’ve cheated on their significant other and 14% of women admit to cheating on their significant other.”

But when you’re “doing the dirty”, do you realise just how this might affect someone in the long run? Probably not.

I was recently catching up with my soaps and there is a current storyline where a character in a very happy and strong relationship sleeps with another woman and I choked up while I was watching the partner find out the truth because I related to it so much.

I have actually been cheated on a couple of times and it doesn’t get ANY easier. I really enjoy writing about my personal experiences on my blog because it’s my way to vent and get things off my mind that I struggle with on a daily basis. So, I’m going to share a story with you. I have absolutely no idea if the ex who did this to me reads my blog and if he does, hi. Hope you’re well. I won’t share your name but I imagine most of my friends will know just who you are anyway.

I’ll start from the beginning. When I was 15/16, I was with a boy for about 2.5-3 years and I still to this day say he is my first love. We broke up on ok-ish terms, then it got worse, it was so hard for me and the rest is history! I was then with a boy for 2 months which isn’t really worth mentioning because it was as if we were pals. After this, when I was 17/18, my next boyfriend was someone I’d had feelings for for a long time… I should have read all the warning signs because he was incredibly flirty with me while he was in a relationship.

Note: I did NOT do anything or even go near him while he was still in this relationship, we actually didn’t speak for a long time after they broke up, he just popped up on Facebook again one day.

There was something about him that drew me in. Maybe it’s because he was a challenge for me. I’ve said before that I honestly don’t regret any of my relationships because I’ve learnt so many things from each one but sometimes, I really do wish I never bothered with this one purely because of how the whole relationship has affected me years later.

I was with this boy for 6 months in total but it was a very passionate and fast-paced relationship. I definitely thought I was madly in love with him at the time but now I question that. We never argued or fell out, we always had fun and he made me so happy. I knew about his past and I knew he’d done things that I didn’t agree with but of course, I was naive. Always telling my friends “yeah but he’d never do that to me.” Oh, how wrong I was.

The funniest part of this whole thing for me was, we didn’t even break up because he’d cheated on me. I had NO idea what he had done behind my back! We broke up because he started working full-time, neither of us drove/had a car and we were barely seeing each other anymore and I guess the passion and excitement just fizzled out?

I remember the next part so clearly. I was working in a pub at the time and I’d gone to check my phone which was in my coat pocket at the top of the cellar stairs. I had a text from one of our mutual friends. The text read something along the lines of “I’m so sorry you found out what he did to you, you didn’t deserve that.” So I was obviously very confused.

Anyway, after a few conversations with various people, I discovered he had cheated on me over summer with [quite a few, may I add] different girls. When I found out, yes, I was absolutely fuming but I also got over it very quickly because we had already split up. I was just relieved I wasn’t in too deep to be completely and utterly devastated about it. I was now 18 and I got drunk quite a lot and made some bad decisions to get over what he’d done to me and it didn’t work.

4 years later and it STILL affects me. I still think about why I wasn’t f*cking good enough for him. What had I done to him to make him stray? Was I not pretty enough? Was I boring? Was I a bad kisser? Was I fat? Was I too thin? Was I not smart enough? Was my hair too dark? WHAT was the problem?

And the long-term affects of being cheated on are the worst of it all. I got into a new relationship when I started uni but it took me weeks to actually realise I wanted to be in the relationship because I was SO hostile. “Everyone will cheat on me now.” “I can’t trust anyone.” “All boys are the same.” Those were just a few of the things I kept telling myself and it caused a lot of drama and upset for various people involved until eventually, I gave in and got into a new relationship but boy, did I have trust issues.

Shoutout to my ex for not letting me move on even after I moved to a different city.

I drove myself crazy! Always thinking I was being cheated on or someone better was going to come along. I was so insecure and I still am. When I write this all down, I start to wonder whether being cheated on by someone I trusted with all my heart and soul has contributed to my anxiety? It’s certainly given me trust issues that I’m still working on. It’s certainly made me wonder whether I’m good enough for anyone and I’ll probably always be this way.

I really struggle to let people in and now every time someone hurts me, I blame myself. Every time someone does me wrong, I end up blaming myself because he did that to me. And he never told me why. In fact, he STILL doesn’t admit that he did it. He’s still in denial about cheating on me. That just breaks my heart.

Maybe he should finally come to terms with what he did to me so he doesn’t damage anyone else and make them question their worth. But, I hope he’s well.

 

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3 Comments

  1. March 23, 2018 / 11:43 AM

    Honey, just know there was nothing wrong with you, nothing what so ever. It has everything to do with him.

    My ex cheated on me, we were together over 3 years, lived together and were engaged. He broke up with me for “other reasons” when really he had cheated on me and I found out in the following days. At the time, it ripped my heart to pieces and I felt I would never be whole again. It turns out, it was the best thing that could ever have happened. Since then I’ve realized how wrong the relationship was and if it hadn’t ended when it did, I could easily be married now to the wrong man. I would be living a miserable life, I wouldn’t be in the job I’m in, I wouldn’t be living the life I live and I wouldn’t be spending my life with the incredible man I’m with now.

    It also gave me a backbone I was really lacking before. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

    It took me a long time to trust again, I was single for a very long time and it took me a long time to let my boyfriend in when we got together but because of who he is and how he treats me, I’ve learnt I can trust this man, he will never hurt me like the last and if he does, more fool him because I don’t give second chances.

    One day, you won’t even think about it any more but he may well be thinking about you as the one who got away and the he really regrets disrespecting.

    It says nothing about you and everything about him. You are so much better off now.

    Steph x
    http://www.wanderlustpulse.com

    • amylt
      Author
      March 26, 2018 / 6:43 PM

      Yessss! You are so strong Steph, honestly have so much respect for you! You’re living your best life and smashing it. Thanks so much for your comment! I’m glad you’re really happy now, you deserve it! x x x

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    April 4, 2018 / 12:48 AM

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