I always ask myself if there is something wrong with me. I wonder whether I’m a bad friend. Am I too needy? Or do I enjoy my own space too much? Do I expect too much from my friends? I don’t know.
What I do know is, while I was at university, I lost 3 friends who I considered my best friends. Of course, at the time, you never blame yourself. You think to yourself; “But they did this to me” or “They’ve really hurt me.” You justify the reasons why the friendships ended.
I’ve not been friends with these girls for over a year now and I thought I’d share some lessons I’ve learnt from falling out 3 of my best friends.
I’m not a bad person
Just because I made the decision to walk away from 3 different friendships, it doesn’t make me a terrible person. At the time, we didn’t sit down and talk things out because quite frankly, we didn’t want to. I wasn’t happy with things in each friendship, there was a lack of support and understanding on both parts, I think.
Just because these friendships ended, doesn’t make me or those girls bad people! Everything happens for a reason and you’ve just got to be grateful for the memories you made while you were friends. We’re all growing up. It’s normal for the friends we make while we’re young to not stick around forever, I think that’s definitely the main thing I’ve realised.
I still have friends
I have a tendency to devote ALL of my attention to one person at a time. I’ve definitely improved on this now and I’m slowly getting better at balancing my friendships and relationships but at the time I was friends with these girls, I spent almost all of my time with them and we were constantly texting when we were apart, I treated them all like a sister.
Because of this, I naturally panicked when the friendships broke down that I had no friends and I was going to be miserable and lonely but I couldn’t have been more wrong! If anything, in times like this, you actually realise who your true friends are and you reflect on things about the broken friendships that you disliked all along.
Social media can be a bad influence
When you’re almost inseparable, and all of a sudden they’re not there anymore… The texts stop, the FaceTime calls stop, the Instagram likes stop and you realise it’s unlikely that you’ll be friends with this person again – it’s a difficult adjustment.
Friend break-ups are just as upsetting as relationship break-ups. Throw social media into the mix and it makes everything ten times harder! It’s just so easy to check up on them to see what they’re getting up to and whether they’ve “replaced” you.
This can make the healing process longer and it emotionally puts you in the wrong frame of mind to make new friends! Of course, the block button exists but for me, I feel like there’s no need for it. I’m just going to try and stop looking and just hope that all 3 of them are happy and doing things they love!
I have the most wonderful friends in my life who have all been by my side through all of the broken friendships and tears. I’ve never appreciated them more. They’ve all helped me realise that it’s not my fault and my reasons for “giving up” are valid. But, I also treasure the memories and will never regret making friends with all 3 of those girls!