3 things I learned after losing 3 best friends

I always ask myself if there is something wrong with me. I wonder whether I’m a bad friend. Am I too needy? Or do I enjoy my own space too much? Do I expect too much from my friends? I don’t know.

What I do know is, while I was at university, I lost 3 friends who I considered my best friends. Of course, at the time, you never blame yourself. You think to yourself; “But they did this to me” or “They’ve really hurt me.” You justify the reasons why the friendships ended.

I’ve not been friends with these girls for over a year now and I thought I’d share some lessons I’ve learnt from falling out 3 of my best friends.

 

 

I’m not a bad person

Just because I made the decision to walk away from 3 different friendships, it doesn’t make me a terrible person. At the time, we didn’t sit down and talk things out because quite frankly, we didn’t want to. I wasn’t happy with things in each friendship, there was a lack of support and understanding on both parts, I think.

Just because these friendships ended, doesn’t make me or those girls bad people! Everything happens for a reason and you’ve just got to be grateful for the memories you made while you were friends. We’re all growing up. It’s normal for the friends we make while we’re young to not stick around forever, I think that’s definitely the main thing I’ve realised.

I still have friends

I have a tendency to devote ALL of my attention to one person at a time. I’ve definitely improved on this now and I’m slowly getting better at balancing my friendships and relationships but at the time I was friends with these girls, I spent almost all of my time with them and we were constantly texting when we were apart, I treated them all like a sister.

Because of this, I naturally panicked when the friendships broke down that I had no friends and I was going to be miserable and lonely but I couldn’t have been more wrong! If anything, in times like this, you actually realise who your true friends are and you reflect on things about the broken friendships that you disliked all along.

Social media can be a bad influence

When you’re almost inseparable, and all of a sudden they’re not there anymore… The texts stop, the FaceTime calls stop, the Instagram likes stop and you realise it’s unlikely that you’ll be friends with this person again – it’s a difficult adjustment.

Friend break-ups are just as upsetting as relationship break-ups. Throw social media into the mix and it makes everything ten times harder! It’s just so easy to check up on them to see what they’re getting up to and whether they’ve “replaced” you.

This can make the healing process longer and it emotionally puts you in the wrong frame of mind to make new friends! Of course, the block button exists but for me, I feel like there’s no need for it. I’m just going to try and stop looking and just hope that all 3 of them are happy and doing things they love!

 

I have the most wonderful friends in my life who have all been by my side through all of the broken friendships and tears. I’ve never appreciated them more. They’ve all helped me realise that it’s not my fault and my reasons for “giving up” are valid. But, I also treasure the memories and will never regret making friends with all 3 of those girls!

 

Have you ever lost a friend?

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6 Comments

  1. March 20, 2018 / 10:48 AM

    This blog rings so true for me too.

    Last year I lost my best friend of ten years, funnily enough through no fault of my own. She chose my ex-boyfriend over me and I couldn’t deal with it. I did everything for her from take her out, pay for her, treat her like a sister.

    Once I stepped away from it though I realised I never had anything back from her, no love, no caring, no give, nothing. It was such a one-sided friendship and I was glad to let it go. I’ve unfortunately had to use the block button as she began to get nasty when I explained my reasons, but I never wish her badly.

    I’ve made such better friends now from letting go of that one toxic friendship.

    • amylt
      Author
      March 21, 2018 / 12:15 PM

      I’m so sorry to hear that Sophie! However, a friend who dates your ex-boyfriend is not a true friend so I’m glad you knew your worth and walked away from a friendship like that.

      I think blocking someone when they won’t accept that the friendship is over is totally acceptable. Plus, why would you want to see photos of her and your ex?!

      I’m glad you have true friends now and I’m not alone in cutting people out to improve my happiness!

  2. March 21, 2018 / 4:38 AM

    I think this is an important post. It shows how much the relationship paradigm is changing because of outside influences that take away some of the intimacy in a relationship – any relationship. It’s important, also, to remember that the amount of friends of which you have in your life doesn’t equal the amount of worth you are. I have struggled with some of the same issues with friendship as you’ve mentioned in this post, and I think you’ve had a more rational thought process that I initially had when going through the same dilemma. You’ve come out of it learned and wiser and you’re sharing what you’ve learned with us – the others who need to see it for themselves that it’s not about self blame and criticism. Good for you and thank you for the important share.

    xo, Jess || https://www.learningfromstrangers.com

    • amylt
      Author
      March 21, 2018 / 12:17 PM

      Thanks for your comment Jess! I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this too. It’s sad but you certainly learn a lot about yourself and the type of friends you need in you life. I hope you’re starting to realise who your true friends are and the kind of people you want to befriend in the future! And I’m glad you found my blog an important share! That’s so kind of you xx

  3. March 30, 2018 / 4:38 PM

    I’m the same as you, I always lose friends who I think are close. Now I only have a tiny handful of people I actually consider friends, those who have been there and I’m fine with my tiny crew. Quality over quantity every time.

    Steph x
    http://www.wanderlustpulse.com

    • amylt
      Author
      March 31, 2018 / 10:13 AM

      So true Steph! I’ve found I appreciate my friends so much more now since ohters have shown their true colours xx

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