I am not a skinny girl. Hell, I’m not even “slim.” My friends will tut and shake their heads at me if I call myself fat but I don’t feel like I can call myself curvy either. Sometimes I look at myself and see curves but other times I look at myself and see lumps and bumps.
I’m not sure when the exact moment was that I started paying proper attention to my body. I always had long, skinny legs in primary school and even when I was in secondary school and I started wearing a bra, I don’t remember being overly conscious about my body.
I think the first memory I have of disliking my body was when I was on holiday in St Tropez (around 4 years ago now) and I remember looking at myself in a mirror in my bikini towards the end of the holiday and thinking “what a fat, pale, ugly mess.” I had no make up on, I wasn’t even slightly tanned and I just felt disgusting. Oh my! I look back at photos of myself from that holiday and WISH I still looked like that. By the end of the holiday, my face was covered in freckles and I looked so happy and refreshed. I think a lot of the body negativity was stemming from the fact I was starting university in a matter of weeks and I knew there would be so many stunning girls there, I was terrified of being the ugly duckling.
I was very, VERY, self conscious through uni but even looking back at the photos of my first year, I wasn’t big at at all! I wish I didn’t get so worked up about it then.
But where do stretch marks and cellulite come into it?
In my third year of university, I took a lot on. Obviously there is the work that comes with your final year; my dissertation, the surrounding modules, meetings with tutors, deadlines etc. There was my social life that was almost non-existent, I had a part-time job in a cafe and the early mornings did not go well with my late night study sessions. And I also took on an internship to get some work experience before graduating because I knew I wanted to go straight into full-time work. I was juggling a lot.
Luckily, that stressful time of my life is now a distant memory and I think anything else I have to face in my life now will be a breeze. However, during that time… I ate a lot. I used to skip meals but eat shit in the library while I was working on my dissertation. There was one time where I ate a giant bag of cheesy doritos and 5 raspberry jam donuts for my lunch. Living in a city centre was too convenient as well, I’d grab a Mcdonalds on the way home or I’d order a Byron Burger on Deliveroo. This didn’t do my belly or my bank account any favours.
The funny thing is though, I didn’t even notice I was gaining weight. I was so focussed on getting good grades, spending quality time with my friends, family and boyfriend and getting enough sleep that I barely remember looking in the mirror and fretting about what I looked like.
But then, when everything eased off and I’d handed everything in and I was free – I noticed. I was looking back at photos from a night out and thought to myself “when did I let myself go?” I suddenly had flashbacks of me scoffing donuts, shotting sambuca, drunkenly eating chicken nuggets and I just thought “oh shit.” I had been going to the gym on and off but now I wish I’d been more dedicated. When I moved back home and started my internship 3 days a week, I felt vile. I was trying to grow my hair so I ditched my extensions which have always been a safety blanket for me, none of my clothes looked nice on me and I just felt like shit.
I woke up one morning and as I was getting dressed, I noticed stretch marks on either side of my thighs and on the inside of my legs. I freaked out. I’d never ever seen them on my body before, it sounds so naive but I thought you only got stretch marks when you were pregnant. I felt so low and it still feels like a punch in the face whenever I see them on my legs.
I also noticed I have horrific cellulite on the back of my legs and my bum which makes me so uncomfortable. I think it’s something I just need to adjust to. These are new things about my body that I guess I need to learn to love?
Do I continue drowning in bio oil to reduce my stretch marks or do I embrace them? Do I carry on googling “products to get rid of cellulite NOW” or do I just get over it?
I try not to get hung up on my size, I think I’m just shocked about how much it’s changed in the space of a year. I am a happy person. I have wonderful people in my life and not much to be sad about so how do I stop letting silly things like stretch marks and cellulite get me down?
“Go to the gym”
“Eat healthier”
I already know how to reduce the problems and I know it will take time and effort to do so. Sometimes I think I am in the right frame of mind to sign back up to the gym but then I remember that it’s actually such a big commitment, especially when you’re saving up to move out – if I’m not 100% certain I’m going to go often, is it really worth it?
I know I said I was going to work hard to love the way I look and focus on physically helping my body but should I really be letting my stretch marks and cellulite define my happiness?
Do you embrace your stretch marks and cellulite? Let me know!
We all have stretch marks and cellulite, don’t worry. My weight has never really fluctuated but I have cellulite. My thighs and my boobs are covered in stretch marks. It’s just part of growing and being a woman. They don’t make your beauty any duller. What matters is who you are.
Steph x
http://www.wanderlustpulse.com
Author
Thank you Steph! You’re beautiful inside and out x x
I could really resonate with this post and I felt every single word. I’m going through the same thing atm and I’m struggling to accept it. You’re not alone chick. <3 <3 <3
Charlene McElhinney | http://www.charlenemcelhinney.co.uk
Author
Thanks so much Doll. I’m sorry that you’re going through the same thing! We can stick together! Sending love x x x x
Nice article! Thanks for sharing your experience with us. This blog would be really helpful for everyone to deal with cellulite and stretch marks. Thanks for sharing.
Author
Thank you!